Fears of Light and dark
by Totally-Out-Of-It
Summary: LxLight My racing heart and heavy breathing must have worried him. he was leaning over me. He stood there in that hunched over position I had come to like. Is he evil? How can someone have the name Light... and be darkness? I fear. DU Slight AU
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_I have dreams... of my first real friend being persecuted on a cross._

I have dreams.. Of being chased by demons.

_I have fears... that this friend could die.._

I see... Ryuzaki.. Laying in my arms and asking me to help him with only his eyes.

_Is he evil? How can someone have the name Light... and be darkness? I fear._

I wish these handcuffs could bind us forever, in an endless circle, so I could stop fearing.

_I wish these handcuffs could bind us forever, in an endless circle, so I could stop fearing._

– – – –

My feet ran along the ground. Puddles splashed as I ran through them. The land was desolate and the water was hot. My feet burned as I ran through the puddles. I tried to shut my eyes but it made no difference. Where was I?!

"R... Ryuzaki!" I cried out around me. The chain around my wrist was mine alone and I was no longer connected with him. Something caught my foot and I fell into the water all around me.

How it burned. Like needles. Like I was burning alive.

I screamed.

"Holy water." "Murderer." "Killer." "Hero." "Villain."

I forced myself up, hurt and unstable. I continued on, not able to run as fast as before. What was chasing me? I just wanted to leave this place.

"W-where?" I huffed out, my legs starting to slow down. "Where am I?" I finally couldn't take the pain anymore and I collapsed to me knees. I punched the ground, the only dry place around.

"Dammit!" I screamed, my eyes beginning to tear. I could hear the soft laughter of beings in the dark. They hid from me and laughed at me. They put me in this hell.

"Kira!" Voices cheered, chanted. Lights came to life and shown down at a man right in front of me. He stood on the water, not sinking in it like I had. He gave off a light so bright it hurt to look.

"W-who are you?" I asked, shielding my eyes. The light became dim and I gasped. He wore all white but the look on his features was completely dark.

"My name is Kira."

"No!" I scrambled back away from him. Fear gripped at me and I didn't notice that all the water had vanished.

"I am... Kira." he smirked and began to walk towards me. I couldn't get away!

"It's not true!" I screamed, closing my eyes and wishing it to leave me alone. "No!"

"Light-kun...Light-kun!" A comforting voice called me. It's tone wasn't comforting but when I heard it I felt warmer.

"I-I'm not.." I tried to explain.

"Light-kun, wake up.. Please."

My eyes sprang open and I found myself in my bed at Ryuzaki's home. My racing heart and heavy breathing must have worried L because he was leaning over me, hands on my shoulders. He stared at me quizzically.

"You were having a nightmare." he stated bluntly.

"R-Ryuzaki.." I let out a long breath and held my head, leaning into my pillow. "I-I'm..."

He stood there in that hunched over position I had come to know and like, waiting for the end of the sentence.

"I-I'm.." I took a deep breath. I couldn't say it. I'm not Kira! But.. I was scared now. Scared of myself. That dream tormented me, always slightly different. This was the first time I'd seen 'Kira'. "I'll... survive." I breathed out.

"Hm. I hope so." Ryuzaki sat back on his own bed and wrapped his arms around his legs. He was probably watching me but I was so tired, I couldn't open my eyes to care. I turned my head to the side and found myself falling into a more peaceful sleep. He was watching over me.

– – –

L held his legs and tiled his head to the side. Light-kun was sleeping again. He always slept. L couldn't bring himself to sleep at the same time. He hardly slept at all. This night was going to be sleepless as he couldn't define feelings in his stomach. It confused him when he couldn't understand himself.

Light had just had a nightmare but now.. He seemed peaceful, much like he was most nights. L raised a hand to his own forehead and then walked over to Light's bed and felt his. It was hot, but cooling down. It was probably due to the nightmare.

'R-Ryuzaki!'

L snapped his hand back and crouched on the floor by Light's bed. Light had called out his name in his sleep.

'I-I'm not..! No!'

Thinking psychologically, Ryuzaki was usually very good at figuring people out. However, people hardly actually spoke about what they were dreaming. But nothing in L's life was normal.

Was Light-kun dreaming of him? No.. Searching for him. He'd sounded panicked, desperate. He sure hoped Light wasn't dreaming specifically about him. Nightmares were bad omens.

L could hear Light's breathing and feel the bed move a bit whenever he breathed. He hugged his legs a bit, as though unsure or frightened.

"Light..." he muttered, but wasn't sure why.

* * *

Onee-chan 1: I promise... more things happen in the other chapters. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

'_For_ every light, there is a darkness. I want _you_ to be my other half. _I_ want to _walk_ the same paths, even if we're passing each other by _forever_. I want to go where you go.'

– – –

"There are no camera's in the bathroom." Ryuzaki sighed. Misa was complaining again. He truly hated it when she complained like this. He found it almost cute when she'd kissed him on the cheek, but other than that he just loved watching the expressions on Light's face whenever she spoke. They changed so much. Completely different than L's own face.

"Yea right. I swear, if I spot even one camera you're going to get it!" Misa finished and ran for the bathroom to shower.

"Ryuzaki..." Light began.

"Yes. You're correct again, Light-kun. There is a camera in the bathroom. But only one and we prefer to keep away from that one. It's only for checking if she climbed out the window or something." L smiled and it was Light's turn to tilt his head to the side.

He had to admit that L looked so much cuter when he smiled. Sometimes he was childishly cute but when he smiled like that, with the thought of some thrill, or a similar subject, he looked... really attractive.

'Get serious, Light. You two have to think of finding Kira, not Ryuzaki.' A sudden flash in his mind of his dream made his hand clench a bit tighter into the fist it was in and his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. However, they were not slight enough to be missed by L.

"Light-kun.." he muttered.

"Hm?" Light broke from his thoughts and looked over. Ryuzaki was looking at his own computer screen. Had he imagined Ryuzaki saying his name?

"Oh, I forgot to ask.. Where is everyone?" Light asked, looking around. L did the same, as though he didn't know.

"Yagami-san is out with your mother on their anniversary. Mogi's ... making copies of things for Misa. I believe Matsuda is being an idiot, as always." L turned back to his computer and clicked a key.

Light leaned on his hand and seemed to be watching his screen. He typed with one hand and then paused when something grabbed his wrist. He looked down at it, finding 'it' to be a hand, and followed the arm up.

"Light-kun, are you alright?" Ryuzaki asked, his eyes slightly worried. You could never quite read those calculating eyes.

"Wha-?" Light asked, looking confused. L pointed at the computer screen. Written on it were simple words. 'Ryuzaki' 'Kira' 'holy water' 'demons' 'shinigami' 'L' 'hero' 'villain' 'murderer' 'Ryuzaki'.

"I uh..." Light shook his head. "I've been dreaming lately." he said with an almost serious tone, waving off the ideas with it. "Sorry. I'll get back to work."

Ryuzaki watched him a little more before removing his hand from Light's wrist and backing back into his own seat.

'You've been acting strange lately.' he thought, watching Light work out of the corner of his eye. 'You're not a serious as normal. What has you so spooked and on edge?'

– – – –

L sat on his bed and sighed. Once again, Light was sleeping. It was about 3 am and L had actually slept for about 2-3 hours. Now he had only one thing to do... Watch Light sleep. He found it was becoming one of his favorite hobbies.

A disheartening thought to him was that as soon as they found Kira, Light would be free to leave... if he wasn't Kira himself. If he was, he'd be put in prison or given the death sentence. Either way, he'd be out of L's reach.

If he didn't know better, he'd say he was developing some deeper feelings here.

– –

_A cross stood in the middle of the darkness. I could just make out it's outline. Someone was on it but I couldn't tell who it was. It almost looked like... couldn't be.._

"_Light..?" my voice comes out strong and I'm glad._

_Suddenly the cross is lit and I am but a spectator to some show. Creatures surrounded the cross like it's a show. A medieval court sentence of some sort._

"_Who are you?" the 'leader' of the laughing and joking creatures spoke. Light's head rose but those weren't the kind eyes of Light Yagami._

'_Could it be..?' I couldn't be so sure._

"_K-I-R-A." the teen on the cross spoke with pride. "I am... Kira."_

"_Kira!" they all cheered in unison._

"_No.." I found myself unable to believe this. All my suspicions proven true in an instant. This must be a dream._

"_Dream? The great L cannot solve this case?" Kira laughed. A shock was sent through the cross and Kira flinched. He seemed otherwise unharmed until a pulsation was heard and the eyes of Kira became fearful._

"_No!" the voice of Light Yagami when he cried out in his dreams. Light looked over the crowd, his mind crumbling. I could see it in his eyes. He saw me and I saw his mouth move. The words were silent as the whole world went on mute. But I could read them._

'_Help-me'_

– – —

L opened his eyes and realized he'd fallen asleep.

"What a dream.." he sat up and rubbed his face. "This is why I don't sleep."

When he remembered his dream, he instantly looked over at Light. He was peaceful, save for the contorted look of pain and fear on his face. L glared slightly. He didn't like that look on his face. He jerked his arm to the side. The handcuffs jingled and Light's body was ripped off his bed.

He hit the ground and his eyes snapped open. He gasped loudly, as though he hadn't been able to breath before. L noted the way his body moved as he silently pushed himself off the floor, face hidden in his hair. Lithe and somehow graceful. Polar opposite to L's. And although L liked the way Light moved, he would keep his crouched over style.

"Light-kun." L called out. Light glanced at him through his hair and then faced him completely.

"Yea?" he asked.

"You were..."

"..Having a nightmare. I know." Light sat on his bed as though he had just sat up from sleeping, not off the floor. He had his knees to his chest and rested his arms on them. Light leaned his chin into his arms and stared across the room. He sighed and hid his face in his knees.

"Do you... want to work on the case now?" Light asked suddenly, bringing his head out of his knees. L, who had been content on watching him, was shocked.

"No. You need sleep." L argued. Usually he would say 'yes' but Light... he needed to sleep. And he meant peacefully.

"Sleep." Light slipped under the covers and watched the ceiling for a moment before he glanced at L "You gonna sit there all night watching me?" he asked, no real emotion to his voice.

"I suppose." L replied normally. Light made a 'hm..' noise and went to sleep on his side.

'Help-me.' he could see those lips moving perfectly to form the words.

'But it's impossible. Just dreams. The human psyche isn't a fortune telling device or a message system. It is simply the ideas and thoughts we have inside us manifested into images in our sleep. Like being put on hold, except with images and not music.'

But those lips, forming those words. Those eyes, pleading. Was he really suppressing such thoughts within himself? L glanced at Light.

He slunk off his own bed and over to Light's where he sat down on it. He took his long finger and reached out to Light's face. It sure looked soft. Did he use lotion? No, L had been with him for more than two weeks now.

Light's face began to look strained and L touched it just to see what would happen. Like he'd thought before... he didn't like those looks on Light Yagami. Light's face reacted to the touch by calming down.

'How... intriguing.' L tilted his head to the side and watched him like an experiment. Light took in a deep breath. He was having the dream of falling in the water again. This time, Light did not calm down when L touched him.

Light's lips moved but his voice hardly came out. 'R-ryu...' was all he heard. L's curious face seemed almost emotionless but he laid down beside Light, his back to Light. Light felt L's back touch his arm and seem to calm down.

'Maybe it's the case... haunting your dreams... making you sick.' Perhaps it was L's fault for putting him in that cell and letting his mind wander over it so much. 'I'm... sorry.'

L didn't sleep the rest of the night, but he stayed there to watch Light-kun as he slept. In the morning, L slunk back to his bed to fix something and Light woke up while he was gone. However, this Light smiled a bit more and had more energy. 'Yay.' L smiled.

* * *

Onee-chan 1: I understand that L does not sleep. This story is a slightly AU for Light anyway. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

'Sometimes... I feel like _we're_ on completely opposite ends of the world, _trying_ to find our ways to each other. And _while_ the moon lights your way, I have only dim _stars_. But I'm trying... Don't _die_.'

(read the italics if you havent figured out why some are itali..yea.)

– – –

Light stretched his arm as he sat at his computer. L looked over when the handcuff jingled a bit. He tilted his head and watched Light move. Simply amazing.

"You seem to be sleeping well lately." L commented. Light looked over, not expecting such a random comment.

"Well, yes. I'm not having nightmares anymore." Light nodded, typing something in on his computer to search for it.

"Ah. Was it something you ate? You should eat more cake, Light-kun."

"I don't think so. On either of those. But... lately, whenever I begin to have a nightmare, I feel a comforting feeling and suddenly all nightmares are gone. It's helped me sleep easier. Might sound weird to you but I actually look forward to sleeping." Light blushed lightly, not used to saying such off topic and unscientific things to L.

"Yes. I'm glad." L nodded then realized he was interrupting progress.

Every night, whenever Light's body began to show any signs of an oncoming nightmare, L slid over into his place on the bed and lay down beside him. Having someone nearby kept Light from having nightmares? L laying with him was a comforting feeling?

No, of course not. If he were to lay beside Light while he were awake, Light would surely find it very _un_comfortable. L, however, didn't understand why the thought of doing so was so tempting. He'd never quite minding breaking personal bubbles before but he didn't lay down with people. In fact, he found that to be a strange prospect, so why?

– –

Light prepared for bed, washing his face. Ryuzaki, as always, was beside him due to handcuffs and watching as the water droplets fell from Light's face and caught in his hair before sliding back into the sink.

What was this sudden fascination with Light? Everything he was doing was catching Ryuzaki's eye. And it wasn't because he thought he was Kira, no matter how much he told himself that was the reason.

He tilted his head until Light held out a hand and he had to hand him a towel. L found himself a bit sad when Light wiped his face dry.

"You feeling okay, Ryuzaki? You seem distracted lately." Light spoke as he set the towel up to dry.

"You too, Light-kun." Ryuzaki replied. He knew that he was avoiding the question but it angered him that he didn't know why. He usually didn't avoid questions. Basically, he'd answer completely truthful but sometimes left out parts of the truth.

"I guess you have a point. We should get back on track. Starting tomorrow we need to focus on catching Kira." Light smiled, almost childishly, and L blushed. However, Light didn't notice and he walked out into the bedroom. L followed like a puppy on a leash, although he actually was on a leash of sorts.

Light could easily say that they should only concentrate on the job at hand, but he couldn't even concentrate on sleeping. Every time L moved he could feel the chains jingle. Every time he breathed, he could he hear it in his head. Every minute that passed had him wondering just what was going through the messy black haired male's head.

"Hm?... Light-kun, is everything okay?" Ryuzaki asked.

"... Fine." Light half lied. "I'm just not very sleepy, I guess."

"Maybe you're becoming more like me." Ryuzaki smiled, happy at this thought and not hiding it.

"No offense, but I hope not." Light didn't think L looked bad.. But he wasn't fond of the black circles and sudden uncaring for the way he looked.

"Ah... You're cruel, Light-kun." L sighed and then laid down on his own bed, hands above his head.

"Really? People tell me I'm a _very _nice guy." Light followed suit and put his hands behind his head. He smiled. This talk was like some game between them and he liked it.

"I'm not people, Light-kun. I can be only me." However, L obviously did not understand the rules of the game as he seemed to want to end it very quickly. Light sighed and frowned.

"Of course." he shrugged and then rolled over to look at the wall. This room had no windows so he couldn't see the sky...no matter how hidden it was by city lights. Life was kinda depressing sometimes.

"If Kira wasn't a problem, we could go on vacation." Light was surprised to hear one of his own thoughts voiced by someone other than himself. He rolled back over and looked, surprised, at Ryuzaki.

"What?"

"I think so too. If Kira doesn't kill in the next week... I'll allow a vacation for you and whoever you want to bring. However, I will still come and follow you everywhere." L was looking at the ceiling.

Light sighed and then noted L's laying position.

"Ryuzaki, you're laying with your legs out almost straight. Doesn't that lower your ability to think correctly?" he asked smugly.

"Perhaps, but whether not it's right, I want to be on a vacation with Light-kun." L's voice was so genuinely innocent. Light dropped the smug look and merely watched L for a moment. He sighed, confused, and looked at the ceiling like L.

"Perhaps... I want to vacation with Ryuzaki, too.." Light's voice seemed to be contemplating it and probably didn't know he'd said it out loud.

L propped himself up on one arm and looked over at the other bed. His eyes were slightly wide. However, he knew saying something wouldn't help. It wouldn't clear the thoughts running through his head. It wouldn't help him through the cloud he was standing in every second he was around Light.

A blinding light. Light so captivating but so elusive. It slipped through his fingers. He could see this blinding light shining and a figure standing in it, casting a shadow that reached the great distance between them and connected them.

Without realizing it, L had fallen into a dream and he dreamt only of light. The teen he'd grown to know stepped forward, farther from the star that was creating the rift between them. He seemed his normal serious self as he became visible and the back lighting grew dim.

But as the blinding light that created this world became dim, the very Light that always slipped away from L began to vanish. The closer he got, the more he disappeared. However, a smile had graced his lips and he reached out over what was left of the distance, offering a hand to L.

L felt like a lost child. He took in a deep breath to stop his eyes from leaking. He hadn't felt this weight in his chest for years. He reached his hand out slowly, tentatively. Would he move away from him?

Light just smiled and seemed to reach out a bit farther. He put out his other hand and both were upturned, offering a free, unguarded, untainted hands for him to hold. L could see his Light vanishing and he took a step forward.

The small shadow still connecting them sprang up and wrapped itself around Light. Light's eyes closed and his smile dropped, but he did not pull back his hands. Dark shadow hands held Light's face and the shadow was drowning out what was left of the image. L gasped and nearly jumped forward to grab the hands and pull him away from this creature.

L's hands went through Light's and he saw the shadow's face, smirking and evil, grin. He opened his mouth to scream but no sound as Light's eyes opened and looked at him before he was completely engulfed by the shadow and vanished. The remaining light dispersed into particles in the air.

L watched as the shadow sank back into the ground and became his own shadow. He looked down at it, eyes beginning to tear. He began to sink, falling to his knees and hands smacking the ground to stop himself.

"Light-kun is..." L's voice finally came out in a sob much unlike him.

– – –

L opened his eyes calmly, waking from his dream. He didn't know when he'd fallen asleep but he was now tucked in and laying comfortably. He turned his head to look at Light who was sitting against the back of his bed in the early morning light.

'Light-kun is... special to me.' he finished the thought his dream had begun. He sat up on the bed. 'Light-kun is...'

Light noticed L's movement and looked over. He smiled lightly in greeting and decided it was okay to get up and get ready now. He was talking but Ryuzaki wasn't listening.

'...getting too close.'

– – –


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

'Together _we_ could be better. If only we could be together. I _feel _hopelessness closing in around me. You can try to save me. I want you to save me. For a _better _world, I want you to be _here_.'

– – –

L had been trying to force himself not to watch Light in his daily activities. He made himself concentrate solely on the mission at hand. But it was harder than he thought to stay away from what he wanted to be close to.

L was not a superstitious person but the dream scared him. He felt a fear that by getting close to Light could mean losing him forever. He cried in his dream but hid them when he woke. He didn't think he could even have forced himself to cry. But this fear governed everything he did for the next three days. But not all plans go as planned.

"Ryuzaki." L found himself face to face with Light, literally. They stood, mere inches between their faces.

"Yes, Light-kun?" he asked, turning his head away.

"It'd be easier to avoid me if we weren't attached." Light spoke bluntly and L stopped moving.

"Why would I try avoiding you, Light-kun?" L asked. His mind couldn't even immediately assume Light to be Kira... even though his last comment could be taken as a trick to get the handcuffs off.

"Never mind, Ryuzaki..." Light sat in his chair and ran his hand through his bangs. He stared, was that.. sadly?, at his computer. L wondered if this was bothering Light as much as it was smacking L in the face.

Indeed it was. Light felt lead in his chest whenever he even imagined that L could be trying to ignore him, avoid him. What had he done that was so bad? What had he done wrong? Why was it bothering him as much as it was?

Because they couldn't successfully transfer and discuss the case any further while there was this fog between them. But was that really the reason?

Light didn't know anymore. He used to love the way he could say almost anything and get L to pay attention to him. But now, L hardly ever even looked in his direction. Maybe he'd become dull or unsurprising.

"Liiight!" A loud, female voice called out. Both men turned their heads to the girl approaching them.

"Oh. Hello, Misa." Light nodded.

"Light, I was wondering if you wanted to go out this week. You've been working pretty hard and I just thought we could.."

"Sorry, Misa. I already have plans." Light replied simply.

"Huh? You do? Wow.. I mean, maybe next time?" she frowned and Light shrugged.

"We'll see, I guess. Although I can't be sure when that will be."

Misa nodded before half sulking out the door to go do a movie shoot. As Light got back to work, L wondered what other plans he could possibly have. Then his eyebrows raised when he remembered.

'_If Kira wasn't a problem, we could go on vacation.'_

'_If Kira doesn't kill in the next week... '_

'_Perhaps I want to be on a vacation with Light-kun.'_

'_Perhaps... I want to vacation with Ryuzaki, too..'_

He smiled, glad Light had remembered. Did this mean they were actually going to go on a vacation?

Light looked over out of the corner of his eye and saw the pleased look on his friend's face. He smiled in return and nodded before getting back to work. He inwardly cheered. Ryuzaki was looking at him again!

L did not cheer but he did feel a strange warm feeling spread through his body. He felt special thinking about Light deciding to go vacation with him.

– – – –

"Akaiya Motozuwa died of a heart attack." The computer before L spoke.

"Thank you, Watari. Are there any details you can give me?" L asked, hugging his knees. His voice sounded normal but he didn't feel too well. Neither did the teen standing behind him.

'What a perfect day...'

"Of course. I'll send you a picture." Watari and L continued to converse even though Light wasn't really listening.

'So close...'

"Another death note?" L asked, looking over the picture.

'The last day of the week and he kills..'

"What do you think, Light-kun?" L looked back at him.

"Hm?"

"The letter. It's a bit confusing. Really interesting though."

Light looked over the letter and adopted a confused, contemplating look.

'You tried to forget me. But

are you sure you can? I am not

dead. I am here.'

"You... are... dead." Light read out.

"Maybe he's threatening us. Do you think it's possible for him to kill us just like that?" L seemed to be enjoying this, spurred on at the chance to pick up the chase. Light frowned from his position behind him.

"No. I think he's bluffing." he replied, keeping his voice normal.

'Am I second best to the thrill of a case?' he wondered.

"Watari, keep an eye on the other inmates." L ordered. "If this is like the first time, there may be more notes."

"Yes, sir." Watari signed out and L spun in his chair.

"Would you like a cupcake?" he held it up to Light. He seemed to be paying attention to Light but Light could see his mind was going over the letter and everything it could mean and connecting it to the others.. Just like he should be doing.

"No. I don't want it." Light turned his head away from the sugary snack shoved in his face. L held the spoon in his mouth and watched Light sit back down.

"Are you feeling okay, Light-kun? You didn't sleep the other night..."

"What are you talking about? I sleep every night." Light was a bit angry. He'd been looking forward to possibly having a vacation... with Ryuzaki... and now all of that was but a small dot in the back of L's mind.

"But you were awake when I woke up..."

"I've never woken up before you, Ryuzaki.. Know what? I think you need a vacation." Light made sure he couldn't see L and that L couldn't see his face. He squeezed his eyes closed and held his breath, trying to find the source of, and stop, this feeling of betrayal.. Like some girl.

L paused at the suggestion. He opened his mouth and then closed it. He wasn't sure what to say. Was Light acting like a girl and waiting for L to say 'sorry for blowing off our vacation.'? Had it meant that much to Light? Or was Light simply having an argument with him because Kira had shown up and apparently L imagined things after sleeping?

Yea, he'd go with the second one cause it seemed more normal.

"Sorry." Ryuzaki looked at his computer and began to type, looking for Kira.

Light held his head as he heard a faint laughter but it was too soft to be anything. However, it gave him a headache and he felt overly stressed. Why did he feel so... crushed?

– – –

"It's been a week. One death per day and one step closer to finding the culprit." L nodded as he spoke. He reached down and picked off a piece of his cake.

As L ate, Light was trying to keep his eyes in focus. Lately, he felt as though he wasn't sleeping and L kept saying he wasn't. But he always remembered falling asleep. But his eyes were falling out of focus and his head hurt. Light held his head.

"Okay. Mogi and Matsuda, please make sure Miss Misa is okay at her movie shoot today. These killings seem to be moving ever closer to our group of people. Also, while you're there, keep a look out for anyone suspicious or new." L ordered.

Mogi and Matsuda saluted and, like little drones, turned and hurried after the actress who was already leaving the building.

Light shook his head to clear it. He had to focus. He squinted at the words blurring before him.

'Heart attack... cause of... r-robbery. Killed...' Light closed his eyes, trying to clear his eye sight.

"Light-kun?" L looked over at the boy as he ran a hand through his hair. However, he dropped his hand and the chair clicked and creaked as it fell sideways. Light fell out of his chair and hit the floor.

"Light-kun!" L jumped up, knocking over his plate of sweets. He picked Light's head up off the floor and set it in his lap. Perfect! Just after he'd sent everyone out this happens.

L picked Light up and carried him quickly to their room. Here, he sat Light on the bed and hurried to get a wash cloth. He set the damp cloth on Light's forehead and relaxed when Light opened his eyes once again.

"Wha...?"

"You collapsed, Light-kun. I almost thought..." '...that Kira had gotten you.' L turned away to re-wet the cloth. 'But if I say that... He'll know I'm trying not to suspect him.'

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so... tired." Light closed his eyes and his head fell slightly to the left. L watched him for a moment before putting the cloth on Light's forehead again.

During the last week, Kira had killed one person everyday. During the last week, L had slept every night for at least two hours and the dream was always about Light. During the last week, L and Light had fights over sleeping habits. L said Light was always awake at night when he checked on him. Light claimed he went to sleep every night and didn't wake until morning.

What was going on? If Light was sleeping at night but his body was up and moving... Was he just sleep walking or ... was it something else entirely?

L moved some hair from Light's face, a bit angry that it covered up his face. He was calm, looking at this gentle expression. Light's eyes opened and he looked at L with the most evil grin and red eyes. L gasped, jumping back, but when he blinked Light was still sleeping soundly with that peaceful look on his features.

'Am I going crazy too?' he ruffled his already messy hair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Onee-chan 1: First, before anyone else reviews and is completely confused.. This story is a DU, a divergent universe. It's like the show but ... a bit different. In this, yes. Kira is becoming Light's alter ego. Also, yea. Light's in love with L but he just don't know it yet.

Also. I really enjoyed thenightwanderer's review. Really great. I like those long, in depth ones. Gives me something to do. Anyhow, this should be a chapter you enjoy cause it clearly states the pairing. -smile- enjoy.

This chapter would have been up sooner but Fanfiction wasnt letting me upload files.

– – –

Two days ago, Light Yagami had fainted while working. Two days ago... was the last time Light Yagami had been awake. L stayed in the bedroom, his laptop coming with him so he could continue to work even though he seemed to be handcuffed to a corpse.

Two days ago, Kira's killing ceased. One week of a succession of killings. Just because it coincided with the day Light went out of commission did not necessarily mean that Light could be Kira. It was common in Kira's existence for the original Kira to do things in orderly manners. A week of killing one criminal per day and stopping exactly a week later was a clean and orderly way to do things and yet random in the overall scheme of things.

Also, Kira had been leaving messages with every other criminal. If L did the same thing he did when Kira left him the first messages he got a message much more haunting.

'You are dead... Love wont save.. you that night.'

It made no sense to L. Why would Kira involve the word Love when talking about L's death? When he thought of that word, L's mind would wander over to Light. His mind would run over the worst case scenario. Kira would use Light to get to L... or Light would be hurt if he tried to stop it. Either case brought a sense of heaviness up in L's chest.

Was it that simple? Was he... in love with Light Yagami?

L couldn't hurt Light. But what if Light was Kira? Then he knew that L had feelings for him and he was going to use them against him to kill him. No! He didn't want to go back to those thoughts!

Maybe it was both. Light would get hurt but Light was in fact Kira. It was a complex thing to think about. But what about the thoughts that L had come up with a few weeks ago? Perhaps Light Yagami and Kira were the same person but it was a case of two personalities. Would Kira hurt his own body if it meant he could kill L?

L looked over Light's unconscious body from his position on the floor and sighed. He leaned on the edge of the bed and watched Light's chest rise and fall, the only sign he was still living.

"Light Yagami is... special to me." he mumbled, fiddling with his own sleeve. He heard a cough covered chuckle and he sat up. He wondered if that had been Light's voice but it was too deep.

Before he could even try to investigate the sound, Light's eyes opened slowly. He blinked a few times, expression dazed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes, his gaze shifted over to the figure by his bed.

"You're awake." L's voice was shocked and yet relieved.

"Y-yea. My body... feels like lead." Light's breath was airy and slightly strained from sleeping so long.

"You've been sleeping for two days." Two days in which L hadn't slept at all.

"Two days?!" Light sat up suddenly and then groaned as he fell back onto the bed.

"You shouldn't do that... Yes. You collapsed from an apparent lack of sleep and you've been sleeping since." L tilted his head to the side, studying Light's expression.

"But I...Maybe you were right. Maybe I really wasn't sleeping at night." Light sighed, closing his eyes.

"Maybe." L nodded. He really didn't want to be the winner right now. Light looked over at him.

"I need to..." he blushed. "Use the bathroom."

L blinked in surprised but found himself helping Light walk to the bathroom. When they got Light looking like he _hadn't_ just slept two days straight they headed out into the main office. Light was still leaning slightly on L and L enjoyed the contact. He also liked feeling needed and useful to Light. Was this how Misa felt?

"Light!" Mr. Yagami jumped up and hurried to hug his son as soon as he saw him. Light flinched when he was hugged but hugged his father back.

"Hey.." he greeted.

"Don't push yourself so hard again. I don't want you to do this again." Mr. Yagami ordered. Light smiled.

"I understand."

After being greeted by everyone else and a couple hugs (about 5 from Misa when she came out), Light sat in his usual spot and was briefed on the latest news.. Nothing. Kira had made no moves. Was he biding his time?

Light looked at L and smiled while he nodded. They simultaneously turned to their work and began the search. Two great minds together again.

– – –

Ryuzaki sat in the bedroom, waiting for Light to finish his shower. He'd taken off his shirt, already preparing for his turn.

They'd taken the handcuffs off for the day so they could have a little fresh air but they still weren't allowed to wander alone. The bathroom had only one exit and no windows, just like the bedroom.

He was lost in his thoughts so he didn't hear the shower turn off.

Kira's letter haunted him. He first decided to avoid Light because he thought he would vanish if he didn't, but the letter made him fear that Light could be taken away at any time. He could be pulled out of L's life before he had a chance to stop it. He could be killed and L would have stayed silent.

Would that really be okay? Would L be able to live with that? Could he die without fear if he kept quiet?

"You can take a shower now, Ryuzaki." Light called. He stepped from the bathroom wearing only a large towel.

Light always came out in only a towel. Apparently dressing himself gave him something to do while L showered.

'I don't want to lose him.'

L nodded and stood up. As he passed Light, he shuddered slightly. Light's eyes were looking completely across the room, however, so he didn't notice. As such, he also didn't react in time to stop Ryuzaki from pushing him against the wall.

"R-Ryuzaki?! Wha-..?" Light asked, startled.

"It's not... logical." L whispered before leaned in on the nearly naked teen.

"What are you..." Light was cut off by lips on his own. He blinked, eyes going wide. He tried to pull away, turn away, but Ryuzaki simply changed his attack plan. He kissed Light's neck instead.

"Ryu... Ryuzaki." Light gasped. "What.. What are you doing?"

L's teeth bit down on Light's skin, leaving a mark that bled lightly. Light hissed and then shuddered when L licked the small amount of blood away.

"I'm expressing... a new emotion." L replied softly, almost seriously. "Before I can't."

Light tried to think about what it all meant but L's hands distracted him as they moved over his newly cleaned body, tempting noised from his throat.

L returned to try and kiss Light again but was stopped. Light instead kissed L and pushed them back away from the wall. They stumbled around a bit and the towel slipped just as Ryuzaki regained the upper hand.

Both gasped as Light tripped backwards over the cloth and they fell. Light's shoulder hit the bed and slipped off before they hit the floor. His hand lay limply on the bedside.

He could feel Ryuzaki's chest breathing heavily against his own. The fabric of his jeans shifted over Light's now exposed lower half.

"Hm.." Light smirked lightly even as L continued what he'd been doing before. 'So L reacts just like any other guy out there.' he noted almost smugly as he felt the lump in L's jeans move as L's body moved up so they could kiss again.

Light smiled when his hand found L's 'lump' and the other male moaned. However, it was obvious that L didn't like to loose... at anything. Light moaned as L's tongue showed off it's talents.

Light's hand slipped from the bed and they were completely hidden by the bed. He had nothing to grab onto except Ryuzaki as tremors shook his body and new sensations dazzled his nerves. L whispered in his ear but he didn't always understand him.

"A-ah.." Light couldn't stop the moans, cries, and whimpers from escaping his throat. L didn't slow in his motions. If anything, he may have sped up and Light's mind couldn't even keep up.

He registered the heat between their bodies and the rhythmic motions. He knew what the pain and pleasure mixing together in his body were from. And his mind caught and kept the image of L's naked body, drenched in sweat, spread over him.

And through it all, Light couldn't find himself hating any of it. Not even the fact that competition wise, L had won over him. Or won him over. Whichever worked. If anything, he wished they could stay together like this forever. Just the two of them.

– –

Onee-chan 1: does that make someone's day? Did it make you smile? Me too. All my friends glomped me for this part. -smile-


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Light opened his eyes and groaned. The light glared into his eyes. He rolled over and suddenly realized he was in L's bed. However... last night... he had...

Light sat up quickly and then regretted it as pain shot through his body. Yes, now he remembered. He remembered every touch, every kiss, everything. He had sex with Ryuzaki.

L must have put him in bed. Speaking of L, where was he?

"You shouldn't try to move too much." L's voice drifted in from the bathroom door. His hair was slightly damp which meant he'd just taken that shower from last night.

Light was shocked to see him acting so normal. Ryuzaki made his way over and sat down. He kissed Light softly and then pulled away quickly.

"You... regret it?" he asked, almost sadly. Light frowned. L stood up and walked to the door. "You can rest for the day. I wont tell anyone."

Before Light could object or argue, Ryuzaki had left. Light sat there, still undressed, and bawled up the covers in his fists. Why couldn't he open his mouth!?

'You're weak, Light Yagami.' he wasn't sure if he'd thought that or if it was from a dream. Somehow, he dragged himself into the bathroom and took another shower.

"God, I have a headache." he grumbled.

He shivered when he heard someone laughing. The laughter was soft but evil. Light looked around through the curtain. Was someone in the bedroom? The laughter got louder, more insane. Light spun his head around, eyes flashing in fear, trying to find the source. He shut off the water, heart racing.

It was as if someone was walking ever closer.

Panicking, Light hopped out of the shower. The feeling of dread and fear spread through his body. He quickly pulled on the housecoat L had left him.

The laughter drove him crazy, echoing off the walls from all directions. Light flipped around and found himself facing the mirror. His eyes widened and he gasped. He saw a face coming from behind him, eyes red as blood and the evil smirk.

It laughed and Light's eyes grew ever wider as he found himself staring back at himself. He shook his head and looked over his shoulder. Nothing. Facing the mirror again, the laughter still echoing, he screamed. The him in the mirror was cackling.

Light fell over backwards and scrambled from the bathroom. He couldn't calm down even when he ran into someone. He was shaking and his heart was beating like crazy.

"Light-kun.. What's wrong?"

Light couldn't place the name in his shaken state but he tried to talk. Only gibberish came out and still Light understood himself. He grabbed the shirt of the other person with both shaking hands. He didn't register the tears that had begun to run down his cheeks.

"I... I-!" Light tried. "K-..! He..." but he just shook his head and leaned into the other person, bringing them both down to their knees. Arms wrapped around him and he could hear them saying everything would be okay.

"You're okay. It must have been your imagination." the voice said. It drowned out the lingering laughter in Light's head and calmed him down.

"It was... Kira." Light mumbled, finally able to speak. The other person tensed.

"Where?"

"In the... mirror." and Light drifted off for a short nap while his heart beat regulated.

L laid the teen down on the floor in a more comfortable position. Kira in the mirror? Light's mind was either playing tricks on him or...

"I'm on to you, Kira." L said, brushing one finger through Light's wet hair.

– – –

The next time Light and L spoke was the next morning. Light had forced himself to wake early before the others would arrive and ventured off through the building to find L. They hadn't worn the handcuffs since that night either.

Just as he thought, Light found L in front of the monitors. He was ever vigilant on the city and the news. Light smiled.

"Ryuzaki..." he called out softly through the darkness. L looked up, a bit surprised.

"Ah..." he ate a piece of cake. Obviously, he didn't want to talk.

"Ryuzaki, I'm... sorry." Light began.

"Yesterday morning you told me where to find Kira." L interrupted him.

"What?" Light thought back and couldn't see anything he'd said to L yesterday morning.

"You said you saw Kira in the mirror. I checked the mirror but nothing had been tampered with or added. So all you saw in the mirror was yourself. You saw Kira who is, in fact, you." L stated seriously, glaring slightly at the teen he loved.

"What?!" Light exclaimed. "I thought we were past this! I'm not.."

"Yes you are!" L stood from his chair quite suddenly and actually surprised Light with the serious look on his face. L was hiding how much he hated having to say this.

"No! I can't be...!" Light was seeing all his nightmares flash through his mind.

"Criminals die while I sleep and you're awake. When you pass out, the deaths stop. After..." L looked at the floor. "You're consciousness is buckling and you see yourself in the mirror, but instead see a monster. The monster you've become." L glared fully at Light.

Light held his head. It hurt. The words hurt. The pounding in his scull hurt. He sank to his knees, his eyes tightly closed. He shook his head, willing this pain to stop. And then Light let out a pain filled scream. It shot through L to his core and filled him with grief and worry.

"L-Light-kun?" L asked. He didn't stutter! But Light had gone silent.

"So I'm 'Light-kun' now?" Light dropped his hands and chuckled slightly, his voice deeper than normal.

"What?" For once, L didn't know what to say. Light just laughed again.

"You don't care about anyone, do you?" he looked up, eyes flashing. L gasped.

"Kira." he growled, glaring.

"Kira." Light repeated, nodding. "How can light be dark? Like any human being, light has two sides. The brighter the light, the dark the shadow, right L?"

"Exactly." L continued to glare. Now he had Kira but how to proceed? Light-kun was...

"Logically, L, we both know that standing here wont change anything." Kira smirked.

"Of course. Follow me." L walked down a hall and into a large room. Kira followed willingly. He was curious as to what L's next move was.

"This is..." Kira looked over the room.

"My favorite game enlarged. Human chess." L nodded. "Rules are simple." he spoke as he pushed a button that lit up the board and brought up two stands in the spots for the kings. "We are the kings."

The other pieces reminded Kira of Harry Potter with their weapons and build. He smirked. If this was like that..

"The loser dies." he finished the rules, nodding.

"Yes. So it seems... Are you okay?" L couldn't stop himself from asking. Light's body... Kira had held his head.

"Fine." Kira growled out. He walked to his position as the king. "It seems the feelings of the original outweigh my own. I'll be black."

L ignored the comment and got in his position to play. He began the game and was already thinking of several ways to win.

' 'The feelings of the original'? Is he speaking of Light-kun? No. He's trying to confuse me.'

L's mind kept going back over the 'two personalities' idea and over his fears of the letter from Kira. That Light would get hurt. It seemed... that in the end... L had been the one to hurt him.

L felt the ferocity and determination in Kira's glare. His aura was completely different from the soft, yet strong and determined aura that was Light's alone.

'Light-kun...' Ryuzaki thought sadly of how, at the end of this match, one of them would surely be dead.

"Check." Kira smiled smugly. "Careful, L. I don't want this to be an easy win. I'm not Light Yagami so stop acting like I am!"

"If you insist." L seemed a bit bored and this fact aggravated Kira. Kira held his head. "One body can't have to minds... two souls." L said softly.

"Oh ya? And what if I beat out Light Yagami altogether?" Kira asked with a sadistic grin.

"Light-kun will win."

Kira glared at him. "We'll see. You're move."

L's serious attitude and strange confidence in the fact that Light Yagami would beat him out of this existence annoyed Kira. He could easily beat out the mind of a pathetic little boy.

After a good amount of the pieces had been destroyed, Kira decided to strike up a new conversation.

"Just what tells you he's going to win?" he asked. L did not answer at first and let Kira make his move.

"Because Light-kun is strong. Because Light-kun is very special to me." L made a move.

"Don't you remember my letter, L?" Kira chuckled lightly. "I told you love wont save you."

"I don't care what you told me." L glared and took out one of Kira's pieces. The piece was near Kira, however, and a piece of it flew off when it was sliced in half and grazed Kira's cheek enough to cut it.

Kira gasped but he looked strikingly like Light. His eyes were even back to the normal golden brown. Soon the face fell back to looking like Kira. It was a slightly disgruntled Kira, but Kira nonetheless.

L smirked. He knew. This fight was far from over.

* * *

Onee-chan 1: -sigh- can you believe how DU this story is? neh. Only one more chapter to go, everyone. Hope you're all enjoying it still. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Light wrapped his arms around himself and tried to shake away the demons. He felt tied down. Voices floated around him. His and Ryuzaki's.

'_I have dreams...'_

'I have dreams...'

'_I have dreams...'_

'I have dreams.. Of being chased by demons.'

'_I have fears... that my friend could die..'_

'I see.. The one I love.. asking me to help him with only his eyes.'

'_I see... the one I love... being persecuted.'_

The next thoughts caught Light off guard and he raised his head to look around his white surroundings.

'_I did this to him. It's all my fault.'_

'_Light-kun is...very special to me. Very precious.'_

"Ryuzaki..." Light whispered.

'_Very special...'_

Light stood up and it seemed that his thoughts interacted with this environment. Like a window, he could suddenly see his surroundings. A chess board littered with broken pieces and Ryuzaki in the king's spot across the field. He looked at his own hands but knew that right now.. They weren't his.. They were.. Kira's.

After everything they'd been through. After all his arguing... He really _was _Kira!

"Ryuzaki... Ryuzaki, I'm sorry!" Light yelled, trying to get his voice out of this place. Out of his mouth and into L's ears.

– – –

L blinked in confusion. Had Kira really just said that? Kira covered his mouth and began to mutter curses. L smiled.

'Light-kun. I knew you could do it.' L nodded.

"I don't blame you, Light-kun." L replied, calling out his next move and moving ever closer to his glorious check mate.

While Kira studied the places of pieces and determined his next move, L swore he saw two Light's standing on that King spot. He tilted his head in confusion and the second Light smiled and mouthed a 'kick his ass' before vanishing. L scratched his head.

"I need a sugar cube." he grumbled, an almost bored-ly aggravated look on.

"You need a miracle, is what you need." Kira corrected. L sighed. Did he really have to kill Light to get rid of Kira?

Kira hid a flinch. He was getting a serious fight on the inside as well as the outside. Inwardly, he was fighting with Light for control. Light was determined to stop the match and to wipe Kira out of his mind as much as he could.

However, his progress was slow. He didn't have the right push to shove Kira into the farthest reaches of his mind. Kira smirked.

L looked around the board after he made he last move. He looked over one piece and was almost to the next one when he went back to the last one. If that one moved...

Kira called out his move and L's heart skipped a beat. The piece moved into position and L knew the next word out of Kira's mouth before he said it. L gazed upon the large, battle ready, chess piece before him. Magnificent structure.

Light gasped in his own mind.

"Checkmate." Kira said smugly. The chess piece prepared the final blow and L could not, and would not, run away.

"Ryuzaki!" L's head snapped over to Kira as the teen's body fell to it's knees.

"Light-kun?" he asked before the sound of metal brought his attention back to his eminent death.

"Ryuzaki!" Light ran across the board, racing death itself. He watched the blade fall ever closer to L in slow motion. L instinctively put his hands up to block the blow.

L heard the crash of the sword into the floor but he also felt his body hit the cold cement. He opened his eyes and found himself to be very much alive. He'd been pushed out of the way by...

"Light-kun!" Ryuzaki jumped over to where the dust of rubble was clearing. He saw a hand first and then the body. He seemed alright. He leg was pinned under a dull section of the sword and was bent a bit weird.

"Light-kun...?" Ryuzaki bent down by the body. He heard what sounded like heavy breathing to stop tears.

"You.. You can't die either." a voice that was purely Light drifted up from the face that was hidden in arms.

"Hm?"

"Because you... You're special to me too!" Light looked up slowly. His face was dirty and he was covered in dust. He coughed once.

"What happened to...?"

"He's... gone." Light sighed and rested his head back on his arms, only this time he looked to the side so he didn't get a mouth full of dust.

L blinked and then smiled. "Light-kun is my... very first love." Light's eyes widened and then they softened.

"Yea.." he replied softly. "Same here."

– – –

Mr. Yagami and the others walked down the hospital's hallways until they came to room 606. Opening the door the found L sitting in the chair by the bed. He was arguing lightly about cake with Light in the hospital bed.

"Eat it." L put the cake in front of Light.

"I don't want the cake, Ryuzaki." Light turned his head away but L just moved the cake to follow his mouth.

"But I made it just for you." L made a pout and Light grumbled before he gingerly opened his mouth and ate the cake offered to him.

"Happy?" he asked.

"Quite. Oh, good evening, Yagami-kun." L greeted with a slight wave.

"Ryuzaki, sometimes I have to think you're bad for Light's health." Mr. Yagami sighed, sitting on the other side of the bed.

"I couldn't agree more. I'm horrible." L nodded.

"Ryuzaki!" Light started to argue.

"It's my fault your son broke his leg." L stuffed another piece of cake into Light's open mouth. "But whatever you say about it, I made a cake for him and he's going to eat it all before I leave."

Yagami-san sighed and shook his head. "Obviously, the situation didn't bother Light... so I don't care or feel like yelling at you."

"I think Light and Ryuzaki make a good couple." Matsuda spoke up. He seemed to think his train of thought was the same as the other two men but only L and Light smiled at the comment. They looked at each other and snuck in a quick kiss while the other two glared at Matsuda.

"I don't regret it." Light whispered.

L smiled and then shoved more cake in front of Light's face. Light groaned. He may have finally admitted he liked L... but it didn't seem to excuse him from having to eat L's surprisingly delicious 'Get well soon' / 'I'm sorry' cake.

"Well?" L asked. Mr. Yagami and Mogi had taken Matsuda outside to talk. Light leaned up and kissed L, licking L's lips before pulling back. Then he licked his own lips.

"Delicious." he smirked. L blinked in surprise before smiling. Outside the door, Matsuda was getting an ear full about 'assuming things between two men'.

* * *

Onee-chan: Something tells me, I'll probably get at least one review that says something about Kira and how I made him vanish. I cant put into words what I'm trying to say, but I'm going to get this slightly empty, yet understanding feeling when I read it. and then I'll get over it and be happy again. -heh- -smile- 


End file.
